Your Senate Committee

The Part 2 conversation of examining your inner self.

Transcript

Eric: 1:05

Hello and welcome to another episode of the Backyard Barbecue Podcast. I am your host, Eric Cool Breeze. I hope everyone had a good weekend, cuz we're back at Monday again and ready to do it all over again. If you are new to the podcast, thank you for tuning in. I also want to thank everyone that has been following the last few episodes of the relaunch. Thank you for tuning in. Please feel free to share to your friends and family. We are on Apple Podcast, Google Podcast, Spotify. I. Music Radio, as well as Amazon Music. If you are interested in being a guest, maybe you have some comments or topics that you want to hear, discuss, you can reach me via email at Cool Breeze backyard barbecue podcast.com. Last week we were discussing the secret hater within yourself, being able to recognize flaws within yourself. And I got a few emails about the topic and. How to identify those self traits. Some of those flaws I should say. Even when you feel like you might not have those type of issues. Well, one, if you're just looking at it on the surface, it takes a little bit of time because self-examination is often. A overnight situation. For most people it might take days, weeks, months, and some people don't come to the realization of things for many years to come. If you're kind of a fake supporter of yourself, then it probably is gonna take a little longer as well. And what do I mean by a fake supporter? Well, we have a lot of sayings and I put it in a category classified as conditioned versus talk. So we have a lot of these little sayings that especially all around social media where. We have these accolades that we give ourselves, Hey, I'm a queen, I'm a king, I'm a boss, I'm a boss, bitch. All of this stuff, and most of the time those particular accolades are given to you by yourself, meaning no one else probably is calling you. None of these title. If you self define yourself as a boss or a a king, a queen, it's almost the equivalency of, Just your mom or your dad, when you're growing up, they're telling you, oh, always remember, you're this, you're that, you're this, you're that. And that's good as a child for self-development because you have nothing that on your slate so to speak. At that point, you're a child, so you don't have many issues to work out. Oftentimes when you get into adulthood and you start using those terms, it's often to reinforcing in your mind. I remember a couple of years ago, I ran into a young lady and I was trying to, we was trying to have a conversation about with someone else, and, she was heated, and she was mad and I was trying to calm her down from the situation to get her to understand what was going on. And she just kept saying because I'm a strong black woman, I'm a strong black woman. And the first time she said it, I didn't really It didn't really click anything in my head to say, oh, like it was a problem. But after hearing it about man, probably 10 times after that I finally stopped her and I said, well, are you trying to convince me that you're a strong black woman? Or are you trying to convince you? Because I wouldn't have never thought that you wasn't a strong black. When I look at you, I wouldn't have thought, oh, this is a weak black woman. And so your need to tell me is really, I feel like it's your need to tell you, I'm beautiful, I'm smart, I'm beautiful, I'm smart, I'm strong. I'm strong. I'm strong. And so it's something that's. inside of you that's making you want to keep telling yourself and keep telling me that you are strong. Because things that, that we already know, we don't have to continue to tell ourselves, is I told one of my friends he used to tell me a. I've worked on myself, I've worked on myself, I'm this, I'm that. And I used to correlate the example of, well, you don't have to tell people like that. You're a good father, right? And so, because that's just, to you, that sounds crazy. Like to just go around and tell people like, yeah, I'm a good dad. I'm a good dad. You would rather somebody else give you the accolades about that to you. You're just doing what you're supposed to be doing. As a father out of love. And so when you tell people, Hey, I'm a, in that instance I'm a strong black woman to me, you're telling me this because you're trying to cover something up. And so that's when we get into the area of like really diving deep into what issues you really have. And so, when we go through things, a lot of times we don't deal with them, and when we don't deal with them and just sweep'em under the rug, then it becomes a problem. Imagine getting shot and then you don't go to the hospital, you just leave the bullet in there, well, one of two things could happen. Either the bullet is gonna cause a lot of damage real quick, or the bullet is gonna cause. a lot of damage over a course of time. You might say, Hey, well sometimes the, you go to the doctor and they lead the bullet in. Well, they lead the bullet in when? When there's more of a risk to take the bullet out. So in your experiences, A lot of times you go through things and it's like being shot, like some people don't deal well with grief and so, but instead of dealing with it, instead of going to a counselor or talking to people, then they just sweep it under the rug. And over time, it just blows up into something big. Because see, you never know what's gonna happen next. You might lose somebody else. And if you swept that incident under the rug, then when the next incident comes about, then what are you gonna do? Because you never really truly dealt with that. So if you was in a relationship with whether it was a friend or a sexual relationship, and that relationship was ho. And I think I talked about this two weeks ago. If that relationship was horrible and you never took the time to deal with it, it took you three years to get in a situation where you felt worthless and you didn't take three years to make yourself feel back, right? Then the same cycle is gonna repeat. You're also gonna attract that same type of person. In your life because you never got to reset that particular type of energy. It was something that drew you towards that energy in the first place. And so by you not. Dealing with it and being able to redirect yourself, then you'll continue to attract that same energy into your life over and over. And then you'll wonder why, all the men or all the women that you meet, they're all the same. Have you ever heard anybody say that all these men is all the same? No. All the men or all the women that you're attracting are all the same because you have that energy in you. You can only attract what's in you. You have to really deal with the problems that you encounter, and each one of those problems have to be validated. You gotta pay a price for each one of those. And that price is generally going through the hurt, going through the pain, going through the rejection, whatever it is. you need to gain from that particular experience. You have to go and pay that ticket. It's like when you go through the parking garage, you're going to, you going to a paid parking garage. It's two things gonna happen before you leave. It's either you gonna pay the full price or you gonna go and get your ticket validated and you're gonna pay a lesser price for that. But either. you gonna pay for it when you leave. And so an example of life, you might not have got your ticket validated, so you're gonna pay the full price by dealing with the issues and they become larger. Or you can get the validated, go talk to somebody or deal with it on your own. And, but either. dealing with it is the key. A lot of times we don't like to dig deep into ourselves because when you dig deep, then you start finding stuff that's man that you really don't like about yourself. When you dig up soil the deeper you go, the black or it gets, because you've gotten past all the surface stuff, you might have had stuff that was sitting on top of the dirt and. Made it a different color. But when you get down deep into the ground, that's where that real good, black dirt is, the ones that you used to get on your clothes when you was little, when have a sense of what the dirt was. Especially little boys, to come in the house and they be filthy, black, dirty, and your mama can't figure out how to get this dirt. And then Don just became your permanent play clothes. But in every situation in life, there's a digging process. There's a process where you have to get down and dirty, so to speak. You think about even the politics. in the nomination of the first black woman to the Supreme Court Justice Katan G. Brown Jackson. She had to go before a Senate committee to be conferred. So they dug deep into her past, down into how she interacted as a child in grade school, they interviewed her friends, her family, old coworkers. Reviewed, questioned, critiqued, every case that she ever had. Every case that she ruled on, every sentence that was handed down, whatever her views were, whether they were personal or political, it was put to the test. But why did they need to do all of that? Well, because this woman was gonna be responsible for the lives of the American people for years to. So if they didn't dig down deep into how she really was as a person, just imagine. Because in politics, as you all know, you can go and give a speech and tell the people on tv anything you want to tell them. That don't mean that you're going to follow through or that you're gonna do the things that you said you're gonna do, or that you're even this person that you're portraying to be. And we all know that, we all have have talked among ourselves. This person said that they was gonna do this, they didn't do that. It's all the same. It is, it just, it's just a different voice with a different face, but the same message. So, but in this. again. If she didn't have to sit down and explain some of her views, if you watched that confirmation hearing that she had, they had all kind of questions for her, and some of'em might have been offensive for certain people to listen to, you would have been more offended by them, not properly vetting her. And then when there are major issues that go on with that come before the Supreme Court, that most of the time when it gets to that point, we're all paying attention because this is the final sale of the. the Supreme Court, whatever they say that's it. You have nowhere else to go after that. And so imagine not vetting this person properly. And then they start if they were a person that always made emotional decisions, now they make an emotional sense decision. They don't rule partially where it's not. they don't use logical, they don't use what they have been taught in terms of what the law is. When they make a mistake, you don't want to hear about how they made the mistake, and so, in a sense, we all have to sit before our own Senate committee. Now, me personally, I feel like that you should be your Senate committee first. If you're not capable of sitting yourself down and having, just a real conversation with yourself, then ask some other people. Ask your closest friends and your closest relatives, and more importantly, go find you somebody that don't like you, or find somebody that you don't like. And everybody got some of those. You got that person that you really don't like, but you know, for some reason you still kind of talk to'em. But one day ask them what it is that they don't like about you because people that you don't like generally don't even have a problem with you. I won't say that again. People that you don't like most of the time don't have a problem with you. you just have a problem with them because they might have seen through you and see something in you that they have pointed out. And then because they pointed it out, you like, oh, I don't like them. They talk too much. They always saying this about me. They always saying that about me. Well, it's only a problem if it's not true. Oh, I'm sorry, It's only a problem if it is. because if it's not true then it won't even bother you. You would just shrug it off your shoulder and go on and live to see another day. But those very things that bother you are because those are things that you haven't dealt with. And so a lot of times I kind of revisited this conversation because. I want to kind of bring us from a bottom state, there are a lot of topics that I wish to discuss, but we have to do some groundwork first, and that groundwork is starting with all of us on the individual level. And then then we can talk. Our relationships with other people and our relationship with our children and our employers, and how we go about starting businesses and how we keep those businesses. Because, see, we can't just jump into business without dealing with self because you might not understand why you're not making any money, and you might not be making any money because you have a bad attitude. and you can't keep a business partner. And because you can't keep a business partner, then your business partner was the person that was good with the money. And now that you can't hand, you don't have a business partner now you not good with the money and now you got an attitude with everybody and your attitude really just stemmed from you. And so, these conversations are all kind of a buildup, and this one is a buildup until out to having relationships and friendships with platonic having pla platonic. relationships as well as physical and intimate relationships with people. And in both situations, again, you have to deal with the things that are deep inside of you that you don't really want to deal with. At some point in time, you have to, it's unfair to the people that you are trying to befriend is unfair to the people that you're trying to gain relationships with on a business level because you don't understand you and then you want them to understand you. It is. It's just not fair. You have to, in a sense, desperately seek out in yourself and discover the real you. If you don't discover who you are in the real you, everything that you produce is gonna be unreal because you can only produce what you are. You've never seen a orange producer, apple, you've never seen grapes turn into watermelons. It just don't. If you're a fake person, you can only produce fake things. Everything that you produce and a fake sense of a character is always gonna fall apart because it's not real. It didn't come from a real place. And so then when you don't come from a real place, that you require more out of people that are around you. You haven't found out the real, the reason. You can't love yourself and so you require me to love you more. You want me to always tell you every time I talk to you that I love you and if I forget one day, then there's a problem. You lazy so you don't wanna work. So you demand of me that I work more to make more money. But deep down the side, it's just because you are lazy but you don't want to. you are insecure about your own looks and how you look, and so you want me to reassure you all the time, oh, you look good baby. You look, you look this, you look that or you can't, can't move about without having, a hundred people like your page before you go to work. These are all traits of toxic relationships with. And that's why you really have to deal with who you are. And the other aspect to it in kind of bringing this particular portion wrapping it up is when you haven't found out who you are, you also don't communicate well because. there are aspects that you want that you don't want to be known, and when people start getting close to it, then you kind of shut them off. Shut down. And so the communication isn't there. You say, oh, I just don't, you know the famous lines. I don't trust everybody. Well, you ain't gotta trust everybody. I'm just asking you to trust. and why can't you trust me? Oh, because I didn't, I done had too many relationships in the past where I've trusted people and I've did this and I did that, and they've hurt me. Well, if that was in the past, and this is now, and you're telling me about the people that's in the past, and that mean that you never dealt with whatever you. or needed to deal with, rather, you never sat down and either discussed with them or yourself, what happened to gain the distrust and. Again, I'll go back to the example of I'm a strong black woman. If you had dealt with it, then you wouldn't even feel the need to tell me that you don't trust everybody because you would've already dealt with it and you would have set parameters for yourself to say that instead of telling people, I'm, I don't trust everybody. I am going to still learn how to trust, but in. Journey with this person. Then I just know that until maybe they exhibit this, and this, then I'm only willing to give this, and this. That's what's healthy. Setting healthy parameters for yourself once you figure out what the problem is. But first you have to figure out what the problem is because all too often we get into these situations with people and. again, not dealing with yourself. And you have you, you put yourself in a re in a situation to become someone's friend or someone's girlfriend or boyfriend, fiance, husband, and at the marriage state, it's even worse because now you've. From we'll just keep the religion part out of it, but from a legal standpoint, now I'm here with you in a space where I can't just leave, I just found out, or you just found out that you got some major issues, but now I'm tied to you legally, 50% of what I have is yours if I decide to leave. So how fair is. how fair is it that you didn't, that you started exhibiting all of these issues within yourself and issues with me that you found out? Oh, it was just me. I found out I need to go to counseling. I, should have did all that before you got with me. Even if it was a friendship, friendships can be a area that, that is deeply. sensitive as well. In my personal life, I have had a friend that just stopped talking to me out the blue. To this day, I do not know what the problem is, I just opted to give that individual the space that they needed in order to do whatever they needed to do within self. But how fair is it to form a relationship with someone? And if you are a mature individual, you form relationships with purpose. It's just dating, you date with intention. You want this person to be your friend. I want to be your friend. I'm gonna be there for you. You're gonna be there for me. And then one day, all of a sudden it's just, boom, it's gone. No warning, no discussion about, hey, I felt like this. And, hey, let's talk. Just cut off. And so just because it's a friend, it doesn't mean that it doesn't affect the, that next individual any more, any less, because for a lot of us, our friends that we have met over the. have become more a family to us. And that's how it was for me and my situation was this particular individual was more of a brother to me that I had not had, by me being an only child. And it even in the. even in the effort to redeem the relationship. And, I've, I'm al have always been a rather been a person that I don't mind apologizing even if I don't. what the problem is. Maybe I did something that I'm not aware of. I don't have a problem with saying that, Hey, I really don't know what I did. I've been thinking about it for a long time, but I really just don't know, but whatever it is, I apologize. I'm sorry. Maybe if you tell me. We can talk about it. Maybe I was having a bad day, and hurt your feelings for that. I'm sorry in the vans that I hurt your feelings without knowing it. And so once you get to that point and you do all of that, and the person still isn't receptive to you, then it's just almost kinda like a slap in the face. Hey, I don't care what you say, I'm not dealing with you. And so that's why it's important on this. And again, I plan on having all kind of topics, for us to discuss. Got some people lined up to have these discussions, but what I do know is that we have to start from a ground zero point and nobody starts building a house with the roof first. So you gotta start with the foundation and the foundation for everything that we can ever talk. on this podcast or you listen to anybody else's podcast. It always starts with the groundwork. And the groundwork is always us as individuals, and us being purely organic about who we are to ourselves and to others, and dealing with those things. And until we get there, then there can never be another convers. But at the same time, I'm nobody's psychologist. So we won't stay on this particular topic too long. We gonna move on to the next topics in the upcoming weeks. But I did want to just kind of give everybody a little ground foundation to work with, some people, there are people out here that just don't know any of this information, and it's enlightening for them. But we gonna talk about it all, like I said in the first episode of relaunch, we're gonna have a lot of laughs. We're going we might have a couple of episodes where we do some crime, but that's okay too, and also in, in April I'll be starting live streaming episodes once a week. Also in April I will be giving you all more than just the. episode per week, and I'll surprise you with the with the days of the week in the about a week or two. But with all that being said, I hope that the information that I have shared with you all that you have enjoyed it. That you have found some substance to the, to this podcast. I hope that you subscribe to it. Right now I am coming out with these podcasts every Monday evening and they will be available to you all again, apple Podcast, Google Podcast, Spotify, iHeartRadio and Amazon Music. And so I hope you guys have a good rest of your. Be prosperous, be good to each other, continue to work on yourself, continue to love people, and I will talk to you all next week. And that'll be it.